Train.

I seriously wonder sometimes why everything reminds me of him.

I try every single moment of my life to think of things other than him. I really do. But there's something that keeps me from doing that...something making sure he's always at the forefront of my mind. Something making me feel like he's so much closer than I realize, and yet just out of my reach.

Even in my jobs. Every little thing reminds me of him. You know you've gotten in deep with someone when your life separate from theirs becomes a constant reminder of them. For some people, that's good...others, it's terrible. I think, for me, it's a good thing. Although, right now, those reminders make me cry because I don't know if or when I'll ever get to have him.

Yesterday, I was talking to old friends...friends that have been there for me since I met Braydon...friends that know the history and support me completely. I was talking and all these memories that I had somehow locked away, resurfaced...

We were going to get married.

We had so many dreams for us...everything we wanted to do individually complemented the other's dreams. We were so perfect...I mean, there was no part of us that was not meant for the other. He is everything that I have ever wanted, dreamed of, needed...everything I didn't even know I needed until I met him.

I remember, before we started pursuing a romance, he flew home for Christmas. We'd only just met, but he messaged me while he was in Ireland to tell me that he'd heard a song on the plane that made him think of me and made him miss me tremendously. That song was a Train song...

Shortly after he and I decided to pursue a relationship deeper than a friendship, the album For You, It's Me by Train came out. Seriously, most of that album applied to he and I. Every song on that album has a very vivid memory attached to it. Every one of those memories belongs to us.

And now, after 3 years, Train has come out with another album. And I'm listening to it for the first time tonight...it's making me cry. Yet again, Train has proven to be 'our' band. It's almost as if they write for us.

The dust has finally settled down. The sun is shining on these pieces that are scattered all around. This house was everything we knew. It's where we kept our love and every single memory of me and you. Every letter, every note, every dress you wore under your coat, thrown away.

Brick by brick, we can build it from the floor. If we hold on to each other, we'll be better than before. And brick by brick, we'll get back to yesterday, when I made your body shiver and when you took my breath away.

The sky has made it back to blue. Everything that's left is telling us the worst of it is through. Home has never felt so right. There's nothing in the way. There's nothing in between us knowing where we're going is inside. Every letter that I wrote. Every dress you never wore under your coat, thrown away.

Brick by brick, we can build it from the floor. If we hold on to each other, we'll be better than before. And brick by brick, we'll get back to yesterday, when I made your body shiver and when you took my breath away.

All the pictures that we've taken, and the songs that we have played. They have all kept track and followed back the love that we have made. Now, they're spread out on the surface where we can try to congregate. It's not too late to believe that we can get it all again.

Brick by brick, we can build it from the floor. If we hold on to each other, we'll be better than before. And brick by brick, we'll get back to yesterday, when I made your body shiver and when you took my breath away.


I miss him so much. And the events that have come about recently have only served to make that ache that I always have, deeper. I wonder when our time will come. I trust God so much in this, but there's a part of me that wonders where...when...I want to know where he is now. I want to know what has kept us from finding each other again for so long.

Is he close?

...Love, if we hold on to each other, we'll be better than before....


I love love you. xx